i just feel being fucked up. not in the really-fucked-up kind of way but in the sense that i'm being used. yeah..i don't know why. i just feel it. sorry. i don't feel fine. taiktaiktaiktaik..

reminder

i'm proud to say that i'm okay! OH BABY IM OKAY! yeahhhhh..despite all those fuck things, i still can survive well and smileeee :) i know i know it's not that easy to forgive and forget but hey, human can change. so do i. i was once a kind of person who is full of hatred. oh ya by the way, there were a lot of things happened before and urgh..what a damn bad past.

to Mohd Noorhalisafiq, thanks for our memories and everything. without you, i might not up to who i am now. i still love you yeah, but as friends. not more, not less. take care dude.

to the BITCH out there, hell yeah I HATE YOU. no matter how nice you are or how good looking you are, i still hate you. reason? you are a girl who does not know the limit of being someone's girlfriend and you never respect me from what i saw from your pictures. pictures don't lie ait? reminder for you bitch: NEVER touch someone's boyfriend, not even a holding-hand kind of touch. oh please..you are just mess yourself with another girl and it's me! nah2..amik la apye ya. i don't care. if you want him, take him. i give him to you. snang crita. no need to hug him whatsoever behind my back la you bitch. one more thing to say. take good care of him as much as i did before. if i heard you hurt him, well..SIAP. cause until now, you haven't fully know who is the real apye.

apye, thanks for all the pains yeah. you surely teach me how to keep myself survive in this situation. and yes, i can prove to you that i can live without you. from you i learn a lot of things. you teach me not to trust people 100%. you teach me to stand firm whenever i have problems. you teach me to not be an egoistic. you teach me to be stronger and yeah..i'm stronger now than what you expect me to be. reminder for you pye; don't you ever ever repeat the same mistakes as you did to me before. it was too much for me to bear. i was in an upside-down world when this fuck thing happened. so please, don't do this to other girl. you don't have the right to torture others life, so do mine. but still, i hate you for some reasons. syiah..i hate you but i don't told you that. why? cause i wanna make things right for both of us. find me whenever you need me. i'll be there to help you as friends.

hope both of you read this..

FUCK SHIT I MISS YOU! cibai naaaa.

a break up confession

i feel emptiness in me. my very most important part of me is missing. i've got nowhere to go, no place for me to cry. i need a shoulder to pad my head. yes..i miss you terribly. i guess this might be the worst day i've ever had in my life. maybe this is my fate. perhaps i deserve this so-called disaster. every minute i look my phone and hope there's a text from you. but up until now, there's none. i'm waiting, patiently. waiting for you to be okay. if this is my fault, well yeah..i'm truly sorry. sorry for everything. i'm not meant to be your life partner. definitely not me. i'm sorry for not being the one for you. i didn't ask for all this to happen to us. the moment you said "get off", i got myself numb as i felt the heavy part of me was flowing out from my body. i couldn't help but to regret on everything.

i deactivated my facebook account. sorry, that's the best thing i could think off right now. having an fb account makes me view your profile more often. it hurts me. probably you've hated me now. it's okay, i can accept that. i know i have to be stronger. but every time when i think of this, my tears fail to stop. oh God..help me. i'm a weak human being. guide me to be a much stronger person.

i will never call you 'syg' anymore. no more midnight calls. no more texting and outing. no more fighting. ohh..miss those moment :'( i'm not sure what will be happening next in my life. i just wait and see.

syg..i still loving you. yes..i do. take care of yourself there. hope you will have the best things in your life. i'll pray for your happiness, always. i love you, i really do :'( i don't think i can love someone more than you. take care aite? don't smoke too much per day. pray to your God always. treat your loved one with great care. keyh?

saaaaddddddddd :'(
i'm sorry blog. i don't have anymore place to cry on :'(

today: 05.02.201

:: it's quite sunny in the morning
:: i'm done washing all my clothes. yay!
:: my eyes keep blinking. that means i'm still ALIVE.
:: my skin is dried. hey, i need a moisturiser.
:: daddy has promised me to buy me a pair of shoes today. but pergh.
:: i'm waiting, hoping that my syg will text me. but he's still asleep. haih.
:: physics, i haven't done revising you yet. so how? SHM please, be nice to me :)
:: basically, i'm over driven by *tut*
:: literally, i'm out of words.
:: mentally, i feel fine and okay.
:: physically, again, my skin is DRYING!

what a short blog huh? as i've said before, i'm out of words.

em..uh?

it's chinese new year and yeah, happy chinese new year to all my chinese friends (i just wish even though i know they wouldn't read this). i'm glad to be back here in this blog. not just my laziness puts me away from blogging, but also lack of free time.

actually, i'm totally blurred right now. i have lots of things to tell but it's hard to put them in words you know.

aaah..great. it's raining now, right after the world war 3 has just ended. hey..i'm living in an area dominated by chinese people and there were booms, bings and bangs everywhere. fireworks were absolutely beautiful. golden, blue, purple. all colours were there, except white and black la. haha. the funny thing regarding any CNY is my dogs are freaking scared of hearing the booming sounds of fireworks. kibuk and blackie just hide themselves in a shallow space underneath our house. keteui shivers itself and if possible, it wants to stay in the bedroom. tiptoes itself here and there, make a pity face and yeah, follow us anywhere we go. well, what can i say..

okay blog, i have to leave..

begging

i should bear in mind that I'll be having tons of tests right after this holiday. perhaps i should bold them in my mind, not just remembering it. chemistry, physics, biology, IDA. a lot huh? yet i still linger around and act cool as if there is nothing big waiting for me. come on Fede. be sensible. tests will shoot you nonstop next week.

daddy, mummy..can i go out? can i chill out with my friends before they go? please. this is the only chance i get to meet them. i'm not going to do something stupid. just give your little daughter a slight freedom to enjoy her youth.

oh.

PERIOD. ah..'great'.

i have a big big feelings that my blog is just a crap. a crap yeah. i talked crap, i typed crap. everything is a crap. damn. thinking of deleting this page but um..sayang. i fall in love with my blog ba. you know something like 'jatuh cinta' kan? hahah..